Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Jokes-Cut & Paste
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, "Hi, we're hot and we want to have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise the lord and worship."
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot and we want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dickson, let's go."
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A girl went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
Coach says: Madam,
here a 2 piece costume is not allowed.
Girl says: Kaun sa Utaroon? !!
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An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "So then, why are you telling me?" "Because I'm telling everybody!"
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One afternoon, an elderly couple are relaxing in front of the TV. Suddenly, the woman is overcome with lust and says to her husband, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
"Hang on," he replies. "I can't do both."
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An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination on the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man; "you appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
"in fact, i do", said the man.
"after i have sex with my wife for the first time, i am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after having sex with my wife the second time, i am usually cold and chilly."
"this is very interesting" , replied the doctor. "let me do some research and get back to you."
after examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" the lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked; "your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"
"oh that old coot!" she replied. "that's because the first time is usually in july and the second time is usually in december!"
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The cattle farmer always makes two trips to the stockyard per week, his wife never goes until today. Today he's in search for a new bull. As they start down the first row of bulls a sign on the first pen says "This bull mated 35 times last year."
The wife says, "look honey that's good?" The farmer says, "that's nothin".
The next pen's sign says "This bull mated 148 times last year." The wife says, " I know that's good! " The farmer says, "oh, 'bout average,,, I need the best."
The last pen has a huge bull and the sign says "This bull mated 339 times last year" The wife says "Oh, look honey that's what I need from you! The farmer says, "sure baby I understand all that, but there is one thing the sign didn't say."
She asks, "Whats that?"
"It didn't say it was 339 times with the same COW!"
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Once it so happend in a flight that, James bond was sitting besides a South Indian guy...
Both were traveling to US.
South Indian Guy: 'Hello, May I know ur name please?'
James Bond: 'I am Bond.. James Bond.'
James Bond: 'and you?'
South Indian Guy: 'I am Sai... Venkata Sai...
Siva Venkata Sai...
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai..'
James Bond FAINTS!!!
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Name the wonly part of the werld, where Malayalis
don't werk hard?
Kerala
Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting,
folding and re-tying the lungi.
Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the
Gelff.
Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome?
Because he wanted to hear pope music.
What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
Why did his wife divorce him?
Because he was louwing another woman.
Who found out that?
His aandy.
What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto.
Who is Malayali's fyamousu eactor end aectress?
Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.
Why Kerala is the heghly literate state in India?
Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapal
from Kerala
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
.. Difference between a Secretary and Personal Secretary:
Secretary: Good Morning, Sir.
Personal Secretary: It's morning. Sir.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, "Hi, we're hot and we want to have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise the lord and worship."
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot and we want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dickson, let's go."
x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A girl went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
Coach says: Madam,
here a 2 piece costume is not allowed.
Girl says: Kaun sa Utaroon? !!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "So then, why are you telling me?" "Because I'm telling everybody!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
One afternoon, an elderly couple are relaxing in front of the TV. Suddenly, the woman is overcome with lust and says to her husband, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
"Hang on," he replies. "I can't do both."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination on the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man; "you appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
"in fact, i do", said the man.
"after i have sex with my wife for the first time, i am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after having sex with my wife the second time, i am usually cold and chilly."
"this is very interesting" , replied the doctor. "let me do some research and get back to you."
after examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" the lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked; "your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"
"oh that old coot!" she replied. "that's because the first time is usually in july and the second time is usually in december!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The cattle farmer always makes two trips to the stockyard per week, his wife never goes until today. Today he's in search for a new bull. As they start down the first row of bulls a sign on the first pen says "This bull mated 35 times last year."
The wife says, "look honey that's good?" The farmer says, "that's nothin".
The next pen's sign says "This bull mated 148 times last year." The wife says, " I know that's good! " The farmer says, "oh, 'bout average,,, I need the best."
The last pen has a huge bull and the sign says "This bull mated 339 times last year" The wife says "Oh, look honey that's what I need from you! The farmer says, "sure baby I understand all that, but there is one thing the sign didn't say."
She asks, "Whats that?"
"It didn't say it was 339 times with the same COW!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Once it so happend in a flight that, James bond was sitting besides a South Indian guy...
Both were traveling to US.
South Indian Guy: 'Hello, May I know ur name please?'
James Bond: 'I am Bond.. James Bond.'
James Bond: 'and you?'
South Indian Guy: 'I am Sai... Venkata Sai...
Siva Venkata Sai...
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai..'
James Bond FAINTS!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Name the wonly part of the werld, where Malayalis
don't werk hard?
Kerala
Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting,
folding and re-tying the lungi.
Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the
Gelff.
Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome?
Because he wanted to hear pope music.
What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
Why did his wife divorce him?
Because he was louwing another woman.
Who found out that?
His aandy.
What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto.
Who is Malayali's fyamousu eactor end aectress?
Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.
Why Kerala is the heghly literate state in India?
Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapal
from Kerala
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
.. Difference between a Secretary and Personal Secretary:
Secretary: Good Morning, Sir.
Personal Secretary: It's morning. Sir.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Friday, September 3, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Killing Jokes
When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their penises.
"Oh, how are you going to do it", asks one of the guys.
"Whatever your fathers jobs were, that's how I'll remove them" says the devil.
So he calls over the first guy "Your father was a lumberjack... So I'll cut it off with a saw"
To the second guy he says "Your father was a blacksmith... So I'm going to burn it off"
As he calls the third guy over he notices he's smiling.
"Why are you smiling, you just watched me remove your friends penises" says the devil.
"I know" replies the man "but my father was a popsicle maker"
Jokes Jokes funny Jokes
last night i wanted you,
i needed you so badly it hurt,
i wanted to taste you,
wanted you in me to work you magic on me...
but i couldnt find you...
--
Funny Hindi Girl climbs up a tree. A monkey was sitting on the tree
Monkey: Why are you climbing up?
Funny Hindi Girl: To eat apples.
Monkey: But this is a mango tree.
Girl: I know, I brought apples with me.
--
I love you in blue.
I love you in red but most of all.
I love you in bed.
--
Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people)
like NIKE (just do it)
like PEPSI (ask for more)
like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited)
and like ME (TO GOOD TO BE TRUE)..
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